Evil will always triumph

[The video clicks on--obviously Stan was trying to make a voice post and hit the video button on accident, because no way would he be caught dead looking like he does now: reddened eyes, messy hair, basically looking like shit--and, of course, Stan starts yelling.]

STOP KILLING MY EMPIRE YOU ASSHOLES.

THIS IS LIKE THE SECOND TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED. I KNOW HE'S INFURIATING AND WORTHLESS AND...

[Stan trails off. The communicator drops to his side and he turns. Half of the screen is cut off by his pants leg, but Prussia's corpse can clearly be seen right next to him. The country's more carved up than a turkey. Stan continues his rant, but the anger in his voice is duller.]

And you did it all wrong too. Look at that. You're supposed to light his cities on fire, salt the earth and make his people starve. What a cheap way to die for an empire. Everyone keeps saying you dissolve in years, and I don't doubt that's because you're a friggin' tard who won't have two-level cities, but this? This wasn't dignified at all!

[He sighs.]

God you're a disappointment.

[He lifts up the communicator again. His face would be more terrifying if he didn't look distraught. Oh, but don't worry, there's plenty of rage in his voice.]

I SWEAR TO WHATEVER GOD YOU INSIGNIFICANT MORTALS BELIEVE IN, I WILL KILL THE NEXT PERSON WHO EVEN THINKS OF STABBING HIM.

HE'S MY EMPIRE, I'M THE ONE WHO GETS TO DECIDE IF HE'S DESTROYED OR NOT. I'M THE ONE WHO GETS TO END HIM!! First of all, I'm his Evil King, and therefore I HAVE DIBS ON HIS DEATH. NOT ANY OF YOU PATHETIC PSYCHOPATHS WITH KNIVES. HOW IS THAT EVEN REMOTELY SCARY? IT'S JUST ANNOYING. LOOK AT THIS. LOOK! HIS INTESTINES AREN'T EVEN SPLAYED ALL OVER THE GROUND!! THIS ISN'T EVIL, THIS IS INCONVENIENCING ME!!! ONE OF YOU BASTARDS OWES ME THE DAY OF MANUAL LABOR AND MASTERFUL RULING OVER A COUNTRY THAT I WAS DENIED.

[He looks absolutely disgusted... then a brief flicker of surprise when he realizes that it's video. He mutters a curse, fumbling to try to get it back to audio. Then he stops. Better idea. He grins and sets it down carefully, focused on Prussia's corpse. His arms shift into their shadow form, plunge into the body to lift it up and...

Stan starts moving Prussia's body back and forth to make it dance like a ragdoll. What. The body's head lolls back and forth, limp limbs swaying with the movement.]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU DIED WITH NO DIGNITY!

[Stan continues this nonsense for a full minute, laughing and insulting Prussia in both English and German. Look closely though, and you'll notice that his cheeks are a little wet and there's water in his eyes. He stops abruptly, one of the hands reaching out of the corpse and changing back into a normal hand to touch his face. Stan looks pretty shocked, and slightly worried.]

What the... my face is leaking! I must have anthrax! Damn, where's a healing--

[He looks up, away from the camera.]

You? Prussia's soldier, or whatever you are--?

[The post cuts out as Fin arrives on the scene. Yes. He is still holding the corpse upright. Have fun with that.]

[ooc: Quick note that I forgot, permission received from Linda to do this! Prussia will be revived when she gets off hiatus.]

[Post starts with a pretty wet cough and some grumbling. More on this on a later date. Stan clears his throat and starts chuckling. He's been taking stalking lessons from Prussia obvs.]

At last! In lieu of Baseball Slave's absence, Sitar Slave's... Demyx-ness, and Pirate Slave's liberal use of adding -chan to my name, I've at last found a suitable heir to my throne!

That's right, I've found an heir without the benefit of marriage! DO YOU HEAR ME YOU PINK TICK?! WE'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED!! RID YOUR STUPID INFATUATION WITH ME LIKE PEOPLE RID THEMSELVES OF RINGWORMS!

Before I get to that, PIRATE SLAVE: to escape a certain someone, I'll be living in your soul after this. Get used to it. You may have to use your hammer to beat back a woman who is haunting me as though she were a cursed ghost.

[Another wet cough, but does that deter him? FUCK NO.]

Hehehehehe. It's perfect! I've seen him in his shadow form--makes me wonder if he isn't lost kin after all, and then I remembered that whores can't get pregnant if you spread sheep's blood on the door--and he certain appeared evil enough! His only downfall is that I hate him. Considering the low standards of this city, not hating him is less of a requirement as it is a bonus.

HEY FOUR-EYES. YOU'RE THE HEIR TO THE PRUSSIAN THRONE. CONGRADULATE YOURSELF AND FIX ME A SANDWICH!! Now that this is secure, I have a wedding to not-plan, a boy in camouflage to find, and a universe to conquer, and I can't do that on an empty stomach!

[A window slams open, his footsteps pound on a floor as he jumps through a fucking WINDOW, and then the voice post ends.]

[ooc: As permissed by Souji-mun, he just jumped through Souji's window. Commentlogs/whatev welcome from Souji and whoever the fuck he lives with. Tags will be slow since I'm likely to get kicked off any minute. ]

[The communicator clicks on as it clatters to the floor. Looks like it's catching the middle of a conversation! ...Or, rather, verbal warfare. Between, GUESS WHO: Stan and Prussia. This is what happens when they're both injured, unable to move well, and are put in the same hospital room.]

( cut for lots of large, obnoxious text )

[And it thankfully times out.]

[ooc: so tired heading to bed omg. I'll do tags tomorrow, but you may get some from Prussia. IT'LL BE A SURPRISE]

( Private//hackable if you want to waste your life )

SLAVES: I HAVE LEAD POISONING AND DYSENTERY AND POSSIBLY SOME OTHER AILMENTS. This means I'm out to improve my mood, so I'm going to go kill some innocent creatures. If you join me, I'll give you ravioli. If you don't, I'll sneeze on you and you'll slowly rot from the inside out from disease! My body may not be affected, but I guarantee yours will be. Except you, Sitar Slave; I need to discuss something with you.

Ugh. I'm so bored! What happened to all those ghosts?! Where the hell did they run off to?! I actually want to waste my time beating up those lesser monsters! I could go steal things from Upstanding Members of Society, but those are getting hard to come by, and they never have anything interesting to take anyway. Why can't you stupid humans actually own better things? Like alligator pits, or rivers of lava!

Not this shit again.

I'M SO GOD DAMN SICK OF YOU STUPID-FACED IDIOT AMERICANS SHOOTING ME EVERY TIME I SHOVE SOMEONE OUT A WINDOW OR KIDNAP A COUNTRY!!! I NEVER EVEN GOT TO FINISH MY EPIC BATTLE WITH HIM BECAUSE OF THAT DAMN BOTTLE!!

Stupid magic burst. Stupid prideful fatty America. I swear, I'm going to smother every one of his cities with a smog that will sear the lungs and blind the eyes of every human alive and evoke all seven plagues and then some upon even the most remote of his towns.

Ugh. At least fever hasn't set in yet, and the blood loss isn't too bad.

SLAVES: TEND TO MY WOUNDS. If none of you have healing magic, you have to donate a pint of blood to save your master. If you don't find a doctor to extract it, I will do it myself!! Where'd that stupid cop run who held be captive in my delirium run off to anyway? I grow tired from all those stupid card games I played with America. And I must finish that puzzle. I will find that missing piece.

So, slaves, Prussia, and every other useless entity that basks in the awesome glow of my terrifying visage: what the hell were you doing while I was punching a country and getting shot and left to suffer in a muddy ditch?

Before I address anyone of actual value:

YES. THERE'S GOING TO BE A WAR. SO EITHER YOU STUPID, BARELY-EVOLVED WORMS CAN FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT SIDE, OR YOU CAN SHUT UP AND EXILE YOURSELF. If you choose the latter, I will probably split your cheeks open and light your vital organs on fire with my dark powers. ...Actually, I'll probably do that anyway, hehehehehe.

If you're a Liberal (or whatever the hell that Classification is), I'm obligated to throw you into the nearest pit of rabid dogs. SO IF YOU ARE, SPEAK UP NOW BEFORE I THROW YOU IN SAID PIT IN PIECES!!!

And if you have no idea what's going on like me, just start acting like an Anarchist and being violent. You humans are grossly superb at being idiots and killing off members of your own species--not as good at eliminating humans as me, of course, but I can't really expect any of you maggots to worth anything more than boot-lickers. In monetary value, most of you would probably amount to a pair of woolen underwear even a beggar could afford.

Ugh.

( Private to Prussia )

[EDIT] ( Private to Sealand )

Ugh, to think I had to endure the damn pox to have it again!! At least it's not as bad this time.

I swear, if ONE MORE SLAVE DISAPPEARS OR DIES, I WILL FEED THE NEAREST CHILD TO A DINGO!!! Or one of those long-tongued dogs if no dingo is available. Preferably, it will be the child that started all of this!!

[Stan coughs a little before continuing]

So itchy. HEY, SLAVE, BUBBLY ANNOYANCE. Fetch me some aloe to alleviate my distress! Slave, if you have gained any sort of healing magic, now would be the time to use it. If you can't manage that, PREPARE ME SOME SOUP! Surely even you can manage that.

Prussia, you are to stand in the corner and NOT DIE. That is your only order while I recover of the second coming of the pox. What are people going to think if you keep dying all the time?! DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANYTHING RESEMBLING A STABLE GOVERNMENT STRUCTURE ANYMORE?!?! I am so sick of all of you idiots dying on me all the time. Sitar Slave, keep an eye on Sealand. The last thing I need is for him to get the pox. If Prussia gets it, HE DESERVES IT FOR BEING STUPID!!!

...............

Hey. Washbowl woman. If you have any of those berries left, I'll consider not killing you for the next week and a half.

Just when I was starting to tolerate that brat's prescence. She definitely had the makings of a future Evil King. Her diabolical laughter even sounded like mine... Bah. I'll worry about heirs once I've established a larger kingdom!

HEY PRUSSIA. WE'RE BUYING SEALAND. JUST A HEADS UP IN CASE YOU NOTICE A DRAIN IN YOUR ECONOMY which I sincerely doubt, considering I already have a plan to bolster it once I've purchased this little nation. And no, you do not have a choice in this!!


[ooc: Strikes? What strikes? There are no strikes here :|]

[Cuts in to a very baffled, very irritated Stan muttering incoherently, and then...]

Ugh, for the last time, little girl! I don't know who you are and I don't know why you have pointed ears or shadow powers but get this through your head:

I. DON'T. HAVE. A. DAUGHTER.

...WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! STOP THAT! SHUT UP OR I'LL WRING YOUR SCRAWNEY LITTLE--!

.........

Ugh. Please stop crying?

PRUSSIA

IS

MINE!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I'm enjoying this holiday already.

[ooc: Long story short: Stan just kicked Prussia's ass and claimed him as his own country. He is now Prussistan!]

Alright slaves, as irresistable as I am, you're going to have to ignore your insatiable lust for me for about 2 minutes while I explain my diabolical plans.

THAT INCLUDES YOU, BLIMP BUTT!! Ugh, I'm going to have to brush my teeth for days after you and Sitar Slave...

Moving on.

 

( Locked to the Okage cast, Ness, and Demyx//hard to hack and really not worth the effort )

Questions? Comments? Concerns? I don't care. Just do what I say!!!

If anyone happens to see a fruity-looking man carrying cards, point him my direction.

[ooc: Most replies will come tomorrow!]
 

Hello, my lowly peasants.

BEHOLD, YOUR NEW TERRIFYING OVERLORD, EVIL KING STAN!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Grovel, kiss my feet!! For the mercy and kindness you may have known in your own worlds is long gone! I am the dark shadow that haunts this land. PREPARE FOR YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!!!

SLAVES. BUBBLY ANNOYANCE. ANYONE.

GO FETCH THAT BRATTY TWIG PRINCESS BEFORE SHE LIQUEFIES MY BRAIN WITH HER ASININE "ORDERS".

Who does she think she is, ordering me around like that?! She may be human royalty, but I surpass their meager statures!! I use the robes of flabby human kings as toilet paper!! Rrrrrgh. Little lobotomized harpy. This certainly does raise a few interesting questions about her, though. I'll have to see if this is the real thing or... whatever Belioune has made this time.

Yadda yadda yadda welcome back Linda and Ness NOW DON'T DIE EVER AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME?! I'LL CUT YOUR TONGUES OUT AND SEW YOUR EARS TO A SQUEAKY WAGON SO THAT'S ALL YOU'LL EVER HEAR FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!!!! I missed ordering you two around and insulting you and abusing you. Idiot slaves. Linda, if you keep this up, you'll be even worse than Kisling. Do you want that?!?!

[ooc: Strikes private ONLY NOT REALLY LOL]

WHAT MANNER OF RUBBISH IS THIS?!?!

First you cowardly peasants focus all your attention upon the satellite that has crashed into police station--COMPLETELY IGNORING THE UNCONSCIOUS EVIL KING, WAY TO GO "HEROES"--after leaving me there to rot and fester as my wound grew worse and worse!!! Luckily for you all, my powers have been restored and I'm completely healed. Unluckily for you all, MY POWERS HAVE BEEN RESTORED AND I SHALL UNLEASH MY WRATH UPON YOUR HOUSEHOLDS AND BURN YOUR EYEBROWS OFF!!!

Ugh.

Stupid slaves. Stupid frail humans. Always dying on me, like stupid stupid goldfish.

Linda, I know you can still hear me in whatever ghost form you may linger on, so I'll say it now:

YOU'VE ALMOST BECOME WORSE THAN KISLING!!!

STOP. DYING. YOU IDIOT, HYPERACTIVE WENCH.

I expected better of you and Ness. You. Morons.

I don't even want to sort this mess out now. I'll deal with them and the rest of Discedo later. DEMYX, ARI. Make your way to the Police Station right now!!! I'm--!

[A cackling is heard in the background. Stan just growls irritably, and there's the crackle of Raging Devil and BOOM down go several Heaven Smile.]

Oh great, I'm rusty too. Damn illness. Damn Heroes with boomsticks! Damn law enforcement!

I'M NOT LOSING ANY MORE OF MY PROPERTY TO THESE RIDICULOUS CLOWN ZOMBIES!!!

MY ZOMBIE LEGION HAS FINALLY COME TO FRUITION!! AHAHAHAHA!!!

TONIGHT, MY DEADPAN MINIONS:

WE SET SAIL BEFORE THEY CLOSE THE PORTS!!!

[ooc: Still in jail. Still delirious. Even sicker now though, so whoever is watching him in the station might have to clean up vomit and junk. HAVE FUN.]

YOU CAN'T KEEP ME IN HERE YOU SWINE.

I AM LORD STANLEY HIHAT TRINIDAD THE FOURTEENTH.

I

AM

GOD.


[ooc: So he's a little delirious due to fever from his infection. Not that... there's a significant difference from his normal behavior. He'll be attempting to break out of prison with the most fucking retarded methods possible, including but not limited to: digging is way out with a plastic spoon, trying to file away the bars with a rock, and attempting to blow everyone up with his mind. Police force, I'm so sorry for the shenanigans, only not really. Also, medical treatment would be nice, but not entirely necessary. He'll pretty much heal on his own once he gets his powers back o/]

Nnngh. Bastard. N-need my. Healing abilities back, ugh.

T-took me forever to dig out that bullet, y-you son of a bitch! HOW DARE YOU PUNCH ME WITH THAT WASHBIN ARM--!!

[Stan pauses, gritting his teeth and breathing heavily.]

H-hero battle indeed. You won't catch me so unprepared next time! WITH YOUR. BOOMSTICK. THING. Ugh. What ever happened. T-to the good old days. With rapiers. _Rosayln...

[He continues muttering to himself for several more minutes before the audio clicks off.]

[ooc: Stan, being a further idiot, dug out the bullet in his foot with--you guessed it!--a rusty knife. GJ dumbass. He'll start getting an infection soon. And then you'll see Stan in a delerium. Awesome. Btw, he's still in the upper section of the library, suffering from bloodloss and a possibly fractured jaw. Slaves, halp.]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

GAZE UPON MY MALICE, LOWLY WORMS!! I, EVIL KING STAN, HAVE JUST ABDUCTED A GOOD PORTION OF YOUR MEDICAL SUPPLIES AND A HELPLESS YOUNG WOMAN!!!! THAT'S RIGHT! YOUR DEAR....

[Stan pauses then turns away from the communicator. There's the sound of a door creaking open, and both voices that follow are a small distance away from the recorder.]

What's your name again?

Jenny.

[Sound of a door slamming shut, and then lol Stan's back! In the background, one can distinctly hear Jenny pounding on the door and her muffled protests.]

JENNY! JENNY IS NOW IN MY EVIL POSSESSION! Why? BECAUSE I CAN!! MUAHAHAHA!!!

Oh, and your clinic is no longer in the auditorium. Get used to it. Hehehehehe. Good work, Sitar Slave. I expect you and Linda to be quite content in your new surroundings. JUST HURRY UP AND START SPREADING MY EVIL PROPOGANDA!!

I should probably find Slave soon too. IF ANYONE SEES A SCRAWNY, SICKLY LOOKING PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A HUMAN TEENAGER LYING AROUND IN SOME RANDOM HALLWAY, LET ME KNOW. IF HE IS UNCONCIOUS, JUST SLAP HIM A FEW TIMES. That usually does the trick.

Where was I...? Oh, right. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

I'm getting sick of eating beef jerky.

SLAVE, WHERE ARE ALL MY CANNED GOODS?! I CAN ONLY SURVIVE OFF OF THIS WITHERED, TASTELESS MEAT FOR SO LONG!!!

Ugh. At least the weather has improved. And apparently there's been a murder! Although this horrifying atmosphere is much more pleasant, I'm starting to get annoyed.
 

( Private//unhackable )

( Private to Ness//unhackable )